you belong to me by jason wade (turn up your speakers)

i remember waiting ages for the cab to come. i had my luggage with me, and he had his.
i tried keeping my mood light by laughing and joking around, like i always do, trying very hard not to cry. i looked around, taking in the scenery, trying to memorize everything as it was. the trees, the fence, the rooms.

taking a breath of air, i tried appreciating the clear australian air for once, remembering that i may never get a chance to smell it again. i did.

i glanced back towards the common room, desperate to see if i knew anyone walking about just to say one last goodbye. i did.

but the ppl that mattered most to me were right by my side, waiting with me. i remember looking at her, taking in her features, thankful for her presence although we had drifted apart throughout the year.

i remember looking at the other couple, and laughing with them, throwing cherries into their mouths, knowing i'd miss them when they fly off again to aussie.

the company was great, although not many. the rest had flown off previously or were on holiday.

i remember my heart sinking, when i saw an unmistakable pair of headlights driving through the driveway and stopping right before us. i just had to tear. i just had to.

and silently i did.

i loaded my baggages into the cab, cursing endlessly for my unfortunate fate.
if only things were different, if only circumstances were different.

i hugged her tightly, wishing her well. to keep in touch, and to remember me every once in awhile the following year. she promised to and it made me smile.

as the cab drove away, sixpence none the richer was playing.

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress....

i made a mental note to remember this song as my "leaving song" and that it was the last song i'd ever listen to in melbourne. i looked out the window, memorizing every particular detail i could, just so that i can picture myself in the cab anytime i want to, anytime in the future. it made me feel worse. it made me feel sad. i was so overwhelmed with sadness, it made me feel nauseous. i hated it.

an arm around my shoulder helped, and it did much. it made me feel better in many ways words cannot describe, but i still felt a sense of emptiness deep deep down.
words of comfort helped, but it did nothing to soothe my already tearing eyes.

i leaned my head on his shoulder, and just asked for silence, blaming it on the nauseous feeling.

i hated how we arrived at the airport.
i hated how we had to wait yet again to check in.
i hated every moment there and yet i loved it at the same time.
it marked my leave, but it too marked part of the place i had come to love.

-----------------------------------------

i can see us in a car, the same way we had left australia the last time.
you sitting next to me, and i you.
the only difference is that one will leave without the other, and one will stay without the other.
ironic.

the air will be filled with silence, both not knowing what to say, both not knowing what to express. both had known each other for so long, the silence would be comforting in an awkward way, the same way they had become accustomed to each other. they both knew time had given both parties a chance to come together and yet time was also the reason they never had a chance to remain together.

one will try and remember all the times they had together and one will most probably advise the other..

both will try and keep the situation light, but deep deep down, they know better.

as you check in your luggage, i'd look look for distractions.
the buzzing fly, the annoying kid, the goodies at the shop.
anything, anything at all to keep my mind of you.
but then again, everything is about you at that particular moment.

i can just see myself tearing and denying that i am actually very much upset.
i'd look away everytime you look at me, just so you couldn't see the tears in my eyes.
but after much hesitation, i'd remember that you do actually like wiping my tears away and that i had never ever given you a chance to do so.
summoning courage, i'd look up and then the tears would start streaming, to which you'd take out the hanky you always carry around with you and wipe my tears away with a smile. i can see myself cursing endlessly as always, wishing we could go back together. if only it were so, then things would be different.

you'd comfort me, whispering that it's okay, but i'd only cry and sob even more.
you'd hug me and kiss my forehead, but i'd only miss you even more.

as we say our last goodbyes, i memorize every movement and actions of yours silently. i study your features, i study your smile. i stare at your eyes, trying to imagine what it'd be like not seeing them for just a day, and i replay your laughter, trying to imagine what it'd be like not hearing them for just a day.

then time again would precede us and demand your leave from me.

i give u one last hug and motion for you to descend the escalator.

i see you walking towards the counter, dragging your luggage behind you, waving at those who came to see you off.
i'd stare and stare and look and look, trying so hard just to keep you in sight for a little longer, thankful for the times that we had and the times that we shared, when finally, you'd vanish from sight and i'd remain motionless trying to recall all our times that we had.

i'd wipe my tears again (alone this time) turn around, and walk off summoning whatever courage i had left in me, to not burstout in tears and to not wail in sadness.

i'd hope and wish for us to not be different in the future in any way, but little does my heart know what the future contains.

i cannot predict, and neither can you.
i cannot promise, and neither can you.
i cannot be sure, and neither can you.
for it is in the eye of the beholder, that the future unfolds...

p/s: the song playing currently : "you belong to me" by jason wade, my all-time favourite song