respawn. *CHACHING!!!*

yes yes.
my blog has been somewhat dead.
with no updates for more than a week, and lame postings the weeks before.
geeeeee

anyhow, ppl.
remember the N95?
the phone i was DYING for?
ok
i hate it.
i don't want it.

and remember the iPhone?
the OTHER phone i was also DYING for? (i think i'm dying for a lot of things...)
ok.
i don't want it.

the N95 is cool, but too plastic and too bulky for my own good.
it's features are wayyy toooo many, and i'd prolly be ignoring 75% of it's features anyway.
also because it's blardy expensive.
and because it's laggy.
half my friends tell me not to buy it, because it's a sucky phone,
the other half, well, the other half knows i won't buy it. hahahah!!!

the iPhone is cool and stylish.
ok fine.
maybe i DO want the iphone.
but first i need the cash. but lets face it.
i'll never be given the cash to get the iphone.
so darn it.

now i'm aiming for something down to earth.
soooooo down to earth, i'm not even going to let anybody know (ok maybe some ppl know) what phone it is that i want.
hohooo
i'll let you know when i've finally gotten the phone.
(again, there's the IF)
blardy hell. why is money always a problem to me??? LOL

------------------------------------
what else?
i haven't gotten my deathly hallows.
found it extremely hillarious and piiiisssiinggg offf how mph and popular and those other money-sucking bookstores wouldn't sell it just because they're whole money-sucking scheme backfired.

ppl in the UK are selling it for 5 pounds, and this bookstores are selling it for rm109??????
at least tesco is being a lil bit more honest by selling it for just rm69!
that's rm50 less!!! i can eat FIVE meals at mcdonald's ok!

mmmmfffffff

gahhhhh!!

the REAL beginning of sem 4. gosh.(random crappy post)

we got our timetables yesterday..
GAWD!
i swear they ARE trying to kill us students no matter what you say!
i had a look at the year 1's timetable, and omgosh! it's pretty horrible as well compared to what i had last year!! (i THINK we had lesser classes. either that or i've skipped way wayyyy to many classes :P)

and i just realized that my smilies don't work anymore.
:P:P:P:P:):):D:D
seee??
*wails*

exams were horrible.
oh gawd.
right, nuff said.

anyhow, since i couldn't really digest the first day of uni all too well due to the exams and what-not-self-created-stress, it's only fair that i consider the semester to really start only after the exams.

now that the old campus of monash has shifted in, there ARE slightly more people walking about in uni.
but not as many as expected?
i came to uni on the first day expecting to see ppl swarming about.
but no?
so emptyyyyyyy!!!
and the cafeteria is so small and cramped up with pricey food!!
but ooooooo they've got PEARL TEA MY FAVOURITE and it's slightly cheaper than it is outside!!!

i've got great tutors this semester although the syllabus this sem would be tougher and more complicated.

but one of the things i dread would be having to dress up a lil bit more for uni now that everyone has shifted in!

i used to be able to go to uni in my big baggy t-shirt, shorts, a sloppy pony tail, slippers and my glasses on whenever i felt too lazy.
resulting in friends turning around and asking, "su wen you woke up late ah?" despite the fact that it was already in the afternoon.
-_-

but it didn't matter, because it was only a small bunch of us, and knowing each and every one of them, i'm not really bothered with my dressing.

now that there are quite a number of ppl in uni, takkan i dress to uni like how i'd dress to go pasar malam rite..
sure everybody will stare and sniff and snuff and do whatever it is that ppl usually do.
sighhhhh

and i met up with issac today for lunch!
niceeee
still the same ol issac i remember :)

and did i mention that i watched harry potter?
i found it okkkk only larh
although many ppl found it astounding!
ok fine.
maybe not astounding (i'm starting to exaggerate a lot more these days), but they found it good!
why leh?
i didn't like how they didn't really follow the books, and as always the HP movie ended abruptly.
it's like, they take as much time as they can to really get the beginning flowing.
then when they realize that the beginning and middle parts are taking too long, they cram whatever they can into the finishing.

so it's like this. i give you example ok.

beginning:
once upon a time, there was a princess with long flowing golden brown hair. she loved pineapples and she loved Flinch. who is Flinch?
well, you shall very soon find out!
one day she was walking down the street when she stumbled upon a huge rock.
being the stupid thing that she is, she decided to pick the rock up and have a looksee at what lies underneath.
LO and BEHOLD (i like this phrase!) a giant witch appeared.
"WAHHH!!! thank you for releasing me arhhh.. ok. for that i grant you three wishes ok? you quick quick tell me, coz i've been under that rock for 100 years alreadyy. very tiring. i wanna faster enjoy my freedom lohhhhhh.. MUAHAHAHA"

so the princess gave it a thought or two, but again for being the stupid thing that she is, her choices of wishes were horrible, terrible, vegetable. did i forget to mention that she has a lisp due to the elongated frenulum at the base of her tongue? ok so well, to be extra lame, she has a lisp ok.

but back to the story.

"uhhhhh...i want to ..ahh..wishh for...ahh...a castle so i can live like a princess in the fairy tale books that i have read!! ok ok ..then i want to wish for a crown so i can then REALLy be a princess!! nvm the fact that my dad doesnt like me wearing a crown coz he says stupid ppl cannot wear crown wan..lastly..i want pineapples to grow everywhere around my new castle!!"

witch : -_-"

" eh girl ah, my witch senses tell me that you are already a princess. so why u want to wish for something you already have? stupid rite not?"

middle:

then suddenly the giant witch's arch enemy arose and they started battling.
they shot left right centre with their amazing wands lorh, almost kiling the princess at times. -_-"
witch A ducts
witch b blocks
withc A shoots
witch B avoids
witch A screams and chants some dam bloody long amazing spell sounding something like "my head is too big for me!!" when in fact she was saying "piefreduhm tooobeee!!"
but obviously it was their magic language, because something did shoot out from her wand so it's just not some bloody gibberish.

ok lah. damn kuah cheong.

the princess being afraid then decided to hide behind the nearest tree, upon where she saw heaps and heaps of pineapples growing freshly from the ground.
so she plucked (do you pluck pineapples?) the fruits off the ground and proceeded to eat them all the while watching both the powderful ppl fight.
then she decided to be smart by ringing a bell and declraing a break between the both of them.
she served them her precious pineapples then.

ending:
anaphylactic shock.
witch A and witch B dies, coz who knew? but witches are allergic to pineapples (being cut up they thought they were potatoes, which was what happend to me today lah.i opened the fridge and there was a bowl of yellow cubes. i thought they were pineapples until i touched them and sniffed them.. -_-")
and the princess lives.

ok lah i'm just bored.
the story doesn't even make sense.
so i can now scratch the job option of being an author of a hit-selling book off my list.
that's three of-sounding-words in one sentence.
yet another reason why.

sigh.

the beginning of sem 2

hah!
slap my ass and call me a bitch, but i'm here online blogging away while i am drawn nearer to my death.
a deadly horrible one.

exam's tmr, done not much for it and i've lost my drive to study any further.
-_-"

it's like i'm asking to be killed.

but it's all complicated, eh?
have loads to do and i want to get going and study it all,
yet the other part of me has just lost it's motivation and wants to concentrate on anything non-uni related.
gee

see?
this is where procrastination gets you.
oh gawd pray with me ppl and save meeeeeeee

it's as if i've reached the point of being desensitized of exams.
exams don't bother me any more, after times and times of sitting for them, the last minute revision, stress , craming and the super duper weird hard question papers, i no longer fear the plunging feeling of the heart whenever i read a question which i don't know the answer to.

and to think that that same plunging feeling of not beingable to answer the question used to be the only drive that motivated me to study in secondary school.

oh gawd.
so teruk..

this is a DAMN emo post

ok.

so ppl, i am now 19 years of age, you can shake my hand and call me old :P
thanks to everyone for all the wishes and calls, especially those in aussie who took the extra effort (and cost :P )

pics and so later on :P

----------------------------------------------

the one feeling that is the hardest of feel would be the feeling of missing someone.
the feeling of missing someone so far away, there is nothing you can do to make it go away.
nothing, except seeing the person in front of you once again.
to hold, to touch, to kiss.

they tell lies when they say hatred is the worst because it kills.
they tell lies when they say love is the best feeling you can ever feel.
because the worst feeling is to miss
and the best feeling is to see those you miss once again

the first touch of the skin
the first hold in your arms
the warm breath on your cheek
the soft hair on your chest
who could want more?
after months of missing
after months of wanting, needing, pleading

seeing you beside me
i could not ask for more
now that you're not
i feel a sense of emptiness
a sense of loneliness

i regret the times we argued, where we'd shout and scream
when instead i could have done what i want to most now
to just hold you and look you in the eye and say "I Love You"

for the times that i was down or upset or angered,
and you were there for me just talking me through,
i'd never give up those times to be happy without you
for i'd go through them ten times worse to be down or upset or angered,
just so i'm with you

i await the day you return to me
for i miss you so much and it's a feeling i hate
but to have the feeling of finally being with you in the end
is like the feeling of love being loved all over again
and for that i will wait

i miss you my dear little baby....

i've inserted a new countdown timer thingie so that i can keep track of time. so oh well.

and just in case anyone was wondering, yes, i have a boyfriend.
his name is pranava and i'm keeping him forever.

yes, i know he's not chinese, but i'm happy with him not being chinese, so there :P

you know, honestly, if you want to test a relationship all you need to do is go long distance.
that's when the relationship is at it's hardest, and if it works out pretty alright even then, you know that there's something for you in the relationship.

it's not easy coping with LDR.
there're loads of sacrificing involved.
no physically being there, no daily hugs no daily pets, whatever.
having to sacrifice time and money on calls from far away just to hear a comforting voice is basically the only thing that you get from a long distance relationship.
although it is easier these days with skype and webcams! imagine those days where all ppl could rely on were on letters and birds!!
being physically away from each other, you don't know what the other party is up to.
that's where trust is involved.
and i trust p completely :)

in a year, the amount of time i spend without him being next to me (let alone being in this country) outweighs the amount of time that he spends with me.
heck, i think we've been away from each other longer than we have been together.

think of it this way.
one year.
8 and a half months apart.
3 and a half months together. but only in the same state.
i can't just walk to his place and knock on his door whenever i want to see him like i used to back in aussie. GEEZ i don't even see him in uni!!
basically there's just a lot of waiting involved larhhh....

but yet i'm still holding on tightly to him because i know he's my treasure that cannot be found anywhere else.
he's not like other guys
he's special :P
and i love him for being special

not because he's my boyfriend, but because he is my BESTEST friend AND my boyfriend.

no one can take this moment away from me
this moment where i'm truly appreciating my little treasure

:P

p/s: ok ppl. this is one of those rare moments where i'm besides myself, but i really do feel not right so i thought perhaps blogging might help me feel better so that i can study (because i've done almost close to nothing!!!) and the post above is what i've managed to blurt out thus far. i'm sorry yea...

do nails become soft when you boil them??

coz i went through my lunch, and at the last mouthful, i felt something hard but flexible.
and when i pulled it out, it was in a shape of a toenail!!! *GASP*!
like, you know when you cut ur toenails? you get that slightly moonshaped piece.
YUCK!
and i found that bloody piece in my lunch!!

but usually, nails are basically hard, and when you bend them, they break.

but this piece was hard but flexible, meaning that even when i bent it, it didn't break!
but i swear, it looks so much like a toenail!!

(that's 3 buts in one row)

which leads me to wondering if toenails DO become a lil bit more flexible when they're boiled or cooked or wateva, coz DAYUmN.
it looks like a toenail.
ok
pardon me while i barf my guts out.

*excuse me*

gee whiz

sometimes, i'm the most patient person on earth.
i can deal with whatever anyone throws at me.
i laugh it off, i shrug it off.

sometimes, i'm the most angry person on earth.
i get pissed at whatever shit ppl throw at me.
i scream, i shout it off.
i get so bloody frustrated, i could eat their heads off..
and i have all this plans in my head to get back at whoever..
but i nvr put it into play.
why?
because i'm chicken.
and because i still care

i'm a saint lah i tell u
haha!!

so boring lah

-_-"

8 o'clock lectures are the worst time to have ANY lecture at all

i would know, half my lessons begin at 8

and i'm currently in a lecture.

thank god for lectures in labs!!!!!!!!

then i can use the comp puas puas

this lecturer??
blah..he's so boring
he seems to be talking to himself in a dull monotonous voice
-_-"

i cannot listen redi..

i watched the notebook for the 3rd/4th time yesterday, and i sobbed my eyes out

i literally sobbed

i didn't even cry this much the first time i watched it

dunno larh

hormones fluctuating..and my eyes are slightly swollen today
so bodoh

urgh

i have a BIG ASS zit on my face.
scratch that.
TWO big ass zits on my face

so much so, i had to perform 2 minor surgeries on them, involving a needle, a tweezer, a mirror, loads of tissues, a screamer and aloe vera

-_-"

it hurt like crap ok, and no, there was no involvement whatsoever of any anaesthetic, local OR general.

and it hurts at this very moment with even the slightest bit of touch

there're gonna be scars.

^%&**(*^&%$#$34!!!!

post-exam

yay!
exams are finally over, thank god!

i learnt two things:
1) to never procrastinate
2) to never procrastinate

three things i could never do:
1) to never procrastinate
2) to never procrastinate
3) to never procrastinate

and that says a lot

i should undergo that whole behavourial change thing by shamsul haque.
i should.
anticedents, reinforcements.
ahh..

we celebrated the post-exam by heading to sunway pyramid for 'major' shopping, if me buying two tops in a span of 3-4 hours is considered major.
hey, don't blame me.
i didn't have the cash.
damn. and it didn't help that i was having a major headache through out.

when was that time again when i could buy a gazillion tops in an hour?
oh yeah, miles and miles away.
chaddy.
crap.

if a simple thing like shopping can bring me back flashes of the past, what more all the time i spent there and all the memories i left behind??
nostalgia.


--------------------------------------

justins' birthday was just this past sunday, april the 15th.
he turned 7.
geez, 7 years since he was born.
i witnessed him growing up with my very own eyes, shows you how 7 years can just fly by in a blink.
from being able to laugh, to crawl, to talk, to walk.....
7 years.
the peak of brain development.
the human body is a beautiful thing.

---------------------------------------

today we had quite a nice chat in the anatomy lab.

min chiee and i were talking about the past, present and future, and were later joined by other members too. heheh
*contents are confidential and shall therefore not be discussed*

but i realized so many things during that one hour talk.

to hold on to what you have faith for and have trust in

it seems simple, aint it?

my ass.

now tell me, which romantic love movie doesn't have the whole "do what your heart tells you" bit in them??
close to zero.

it seems simple, to do what your heart tells you to.
to do what your heart says is right
to do what you feel you should do
to do what you WANT to do

but then again, life is a whole blur.
it's so vague, that even the word vague seems grey in the world of total blur and whirls.
it's so uncertain, that even a flipped coin couldn't decide on which side it should land on.

do you do what you feel is right and face the risks and be brave enough to handle the consequences?
or do you do what IS right and go on ahead with life not knowing what could have happened and only be able to wonder

what if?
what if..

you seldom have it both ways, and well, if you do, then you must have done something really really good in your past life.

you only live once, and every god damn good person in this world would LOVE to tell you what they always do in movies and in cartoons.
but only the true ones tell you what it is, the way it is.

the "potential politicians"?
hahah, they tell you both. (kinda like me)

so, the question is, what the hell do you do when you're forced to choose a path?
one seems so right yet so risky
one seems so plain yet so safe

the catch is that the path is as far as the eye can see.
what goes beyond your vision, what goes further along the path you choose, nobody knows.

but someway somehow, i came to terms with choosing the former one, and honestly, there is no explanation as to why.

metaphorically though, help is always around.
you just have to know when to ask for it and where to look for it.
and the main thing is that you have to be willing to face your consequences and be strong enough to face them headon

even at a dangerous road, someway somehow, there will be a path to safety.
you just have to know when to look for it..

----------------------------------

it may be my last driving lesson today!!! exam's on the coming monday, and i hope i pass larh..

couldn't be bothered to skip another whole day at uni justtt to go for the exam.
bummer.

life is boring..
i need something fun to do.
anybody?